Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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