you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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