so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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