why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
