every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
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If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
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Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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