It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
