hell yes lets make some ravioli
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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