Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
me + whiskey = a bad person
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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