i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Did I show you my penis last night?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
