YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
