my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
