When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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