I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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