Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
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