sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
