after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
