i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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