you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
