My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
