Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
is wine microwaveable?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
