atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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