I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
