well I can't set my house on fire every night
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
