we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
