I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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