the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
