Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
