ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
