I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
