Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
