Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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