Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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