The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
