If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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