I met the friendliest cop last night
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
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