Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
