Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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