Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Randomize
