He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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