if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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