Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
