$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
