I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
