This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
