so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
