pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
