I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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