Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
