my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Who died my cat blue again?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
