My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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