I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
P.S. I can't hear my feet
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
