can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
