I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
