why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
