I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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