All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
