Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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