I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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