Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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