herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
