you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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