I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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