I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
