You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
