I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
