That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
