The brown eye won't let me do that either.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
