I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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