i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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