Just cropdusted the office
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
