he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
