Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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