On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
