At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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