guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
