So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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